संझनाको गोरेटो: अतीतका पुतलीहरू
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Butteflies of the past

I could almost feel that pungent smell of tori ko tel with dubo being rubbed on my forehead. Those irresistible olfactory stimulating masala, those endearing talks of three sisters going around me, those garlands of godavari and sayapatri around my neck, hustle and bustle of the festival?all seem dreams of the distant past. I took everything for granted then. It only seems like yesterday. The milieu in US is indeed like that of quick sand: the more you stay, the deeper you sink.

After almost five years devoid of Bhai Tika, it suddenly struck to me how life has transpired. Every year, I hope for the reunion the next year and it?s the same every year. Distance creates a very subtle rift. Over time those rifts become irreparable gorges. People say family constellation never change, but sometimes I feel so estranged from my family living away I wonder if we'll ever be able enjoy those festive seasons again.
***********************

I was very skeptic when I first took my sister with me to the Tri Shakti club to play table tennis with me. Not a single female would escape the derision and teasing of the boys in the neighborhood. But my sister and I were both young, too young to comprehend the complexity of our cultural surroundings. Besides, she was the only competitor I had at the time. Having spent most of my primary school in a hostel, most people really didn't know me. It was slightly disconcerting but there was Pawan Dai to subside my anxiety, who would often join us: Pawan dai-- infamously nicknamed KHALNAYAK, for his long overcoat and shady hairstyle, who visited my home often and knew my parents well.

However, I could not be indifferent to the fact that the vulgarity and the jokes that encompassed the boys that I hung out with in the club were in vicinity of my sister. I had often suggested to my sister that she shouldn't accompany me. This was after one of the typical winter afternoon when Debre Hemante and Laloo got into a usual boys' voracious verbal exchange. Suddenly, laloo gasped "j payo tyai nabol, oys ko baini cha yaha" It was a very disconcerting scene but my sister persisted to accompany me despite all the odds. She participated in all the sports I played and we were best friends throughout my childhood.

One day while we were enjoying one of the fairly rigrorous games, laloo quipped out of the blues " timi haroo ahile kasto milchau, Pachi ek arka sanga bolne fursad ni hudaina" !! We looked at each other and broke into a boisterous laughter.
*******
It was perhaps six in the morning on a Saturday. A very gentle nudge woke me up. I knew it was my sister with her homework as usual. She probably was too afraid to go to my dad. I was her only resort when it came to maths. However, I had very little patience being an educator. Though my younger sister worked the hardest among my siblings, she never got the respect that she deserved. She was relentless in her pursuit nevertheless.

It was only a matter of time I lost my cool, "yeti jabo ni garna aaudaina" I poured my wrath of Saturday morning on her. She kept doodling on the unitary method problem. I further lost my patience. "aba drawing banauna la? Drawing class ho yo?" I kept on shouting which even got my Maami?s attention. "Baini lai gali garna thalis pheri?" my mom seemed concerned. This probably was the icing on the cake. Tears flowed like sunkoshi from my sister's cheek. She kept crying and doodling and whether through her insight or the pressure exerted by me, she got the right answer within seconds.

"la aaudo raicha ta! Ani kina suhang pari ra ta?" I gave my final vow. She continued crying and finally stood up. "kukur! Aaba kaile ni aaudina talai disturb garna!" Now she was showing attitude. Though I hated being nudged at six on a Saturday, I loved helping her with Maths. But she stood firm with her words. She only came for sporadic editing and checks. And that was that!

contd.....

Time Flew by: Weeks, months, years. My sister's interest shifted from games to dancing, painting and other girly activities. I was still probably the same often ending up in the club to share a few rounds with tougher guys. Though we'd find common solace at home playing a round of squash in the Bardali of our home, our conversation ended abruptly somewhere along the way if we were to face each other in public.

I would often see her pass by the same table tennis board that she used to devour so much in early childhood while she returned from school. How unusual was it for her only to glance at me and give me a wry smile and walk towards home. But that was the culture we grew up in our society. Deep inside, I wouldn?t want to see her while I was around the neighborhood. The remorse and the guilt that prevailed over me often times when the guys derided her in my presence were unbearable. However, I couldn't do much. I always believed time was a great leveler for everyone. I wasn?t alone in this battle but everyone kept this guilt with themselves I assumed. Even more than that, there was a sheer difference growing between my sister and I as we prospered further in life.

*****************
"Oys! You never call us. No one here knows that I have a brother studying in US."These words stirred me from my core. She wasn?t lying. Four years down the road, and I hadn't called her once. She probably called me every other month or so. I never felt the need. It was sometime around last bhai tika she called me again. "Oyss! Ko sanga tika lais yespaali" she asked me. "yespaali!" I motioned. I hadn?t had any bhaitika for the last four years. "k ko yespaali?" I grew slightly annoyed. "hamro ta yaha bhai cha euta" she explained. "ta pani bhako bhaye ramro hunthyo"

I swallowed very hard Even back in Nepal, though I had almost four people including my cousin to put bhai tika on me, I would never be the only guy sitting on the chakati there'd always be some other dai or bhai besides me. I used to enjoy that then, but now I was slightly jealous. I will try to call sometime I promised her.

The next time I heard from her was the disappointment she expressed for not having anyone from our family attending her graduation. I didn't know how mature and cogent my sister had grown up to be. I had thought of sending her a graduation present, yet again, I was too busy for my family. Yet again, I wasn't sure whether to call her and congratulate her. Moments just passed by. Yet, she sent an email to me explaining how grateful she was that I was her brother and that when she closed her eyes during the graduating ceremony she remembered me and how I had helped her throughout her life in one way or the other. My sister was not much of an email person, but her email was so touchy that my eyes couldn't skip few parched sprinkles
********************

Finally, I decided to call her up. I had to tell her about all the stuff that had happened over the years. How much I have missed her in US all these years. I had to tell her how much I have missed bhai tika and all the other holiday and festive seasons, How much I enjoyed playing squash in bardali or just watching a movie with her. How much I enjoyed her ridiculing me and the little games we used to play during news time that would even bring laughter to our dad's face. How right she'd been every time when she told me that my weakness was girls and not to fall for their promises and fake assurances. I had so much to tell her.

Finally the call went through. I really wanted to congratulate her the foremost. She'd been the first one among us siblings to get a real job. "Makurrrii! I was ecstatic to hear her voice. "Oh oyss! Kaha baata aja? Laa! Ma ta kaam ma chu. She sounded nervous. I can?t talk right now". She hung up the phone.

Suddenly, a cold chill ran over my body and Laloo's words echoed from the past : "ahile yesto milchau. Pachi bolne fursad ni hudaina!"I wish I could laugh at him again.

oys bru, as usual, your great writings..
i love 'em
hope you will go to bhai tika next year! pray!

Very moving indeed! Dont want to be sounding phony, but I hope it is partly fictional :)

"I would often see her pass by the same table tennis board that she used to devour so much in early childhood while she returned from school. How unusual was it for her only to glance at me and give me a wry smile and walk towards home. But that was the culture we grew up in our society. Deep inside, I wouldn't want to see her while I was around the neighborhood. The remorse and the guilt that prevailed over me often times when the guys derided her in my presence were unbearable".

Sad.

oyss!!!hehe guru bhannum ki bro bhannum?

but thanks for makin me day.(havent been goin that great these days..but i feel good today esp after erading ur memory lane :o)..)
..great one as always..:o)..

talkn to me bro now..after ages and that too cos he is at his frens house..actaully was talkin to his fren and he came there..ajo bholio ho?hehe just found out...and they all preparing for it re..and he sings nepali songs these days re..wah..oops sorry no more of me life story hehe just felt like talkin about me bro...ke garney miss that salla gadda.and well me family and me sis..too..

this bhai tika!!i will call me sis!!hook or by crook!..cos hehe oys bro ley inspire garyo ;o)...(tho not in mood to talk these days hehe)

anyways happy Tihar everyone..eso to those who aint near their family..hope u have frens around u all :o)...


danny

oys, this is a touching and beautiful story. thank you for sharing.
i hope there's more......
and i hope you return to nepal for bhai tika next year.

Oys

What a flow!
What a nice piece of work!
What a memory!

what a OYS!

hey oys, do you know the song "bhai tika maa" by mongolian hearts? if not, do yourself a favor and try to listen to it this weekend. it's a really sweet, sad song. la...

i think it's on mongolian hearts vol. 2 album. you can try downloading it from a nepali song website- that might be the best way to get it. good luck!

you can probably just google "nepali music" or "nepali songs" or something like that. there are links here from sajha too. there is one website called gorkhali.com that i know about. but, i would recommend trying google. la.

Oys, aaanch.
First part padhe, remaining part bhare.
Class cha... ma taap....
Thanks for writing hehe... (kattina maile bhanera lekhya jasto ke... credit lina khojya :P)

Oys , Nice one. Thanks for sharing. Very well written.

Reminds me of my childhood. Hope to read more from you.

oys bro, harip as usal..eeh..dammi thiyo..

one of the statement taht touched me was this on, and it is indeed true..
Distance creates a very subtle rift. Over time those rifts become irreparable gorges.

will i be same as i was back then??

Sabai jana ko katha ustai ustai hudo rahecha.... yo katha sunera malai pani nepal ma bhako bela ko tyo pahile ko din haru yaad ayo, bhai ko yaad ayo.....pahile ko bhai tika haru ko yaad ayo....runa mann lagyo....senti banai diyo.... sabai jana lai ramailo tihar, hope you get to go home and meet loved ones soon.

Nepali Kanchi, you can cry on my shoulders anytime you want...I'm here for you.

Oys, Thanks for sharing! Wish I could fly like a butterfly!
Been 3 long years , have missed bhai-tika. :(
Hope you and the others don't miss it next year.I never have holiday around this Dashain-Tihar season .
:(:(

I am very much of a music person and right at the end , I felt the way I felt the first time I heard "Cats in the Cradle" by Ugly Kid Joe. A very touching piece indeed.
Well since you have already realized it, just persist and life will be better than before (even if you will not realize it.)

You have to be personal with the story if you want the readers to be personal with what they are reading.
Oys, gotta commend you on being honest all the time brother.
Never had a sister, but I feel like I have one everytime I read yours truly. I feel like MY worst day has arrived when I am walking with my imaginary sister and bunch of backstreet boys are passing by.
Loved the ending sentence. Makes and artistic statement in an emotional storyline. Classic.

Yet another scintillating "Oys special" that tugs at the heartstrings. Timed as it was during Tihar, it resonates strongly with the mixture of sorrow and longing that roils our hearts.

Yet the greater accolade to the writer's prowess are readers induced to joyfully adopt his siblings as one of their own.

A superb literary effort. Bravo!

A nice piece ! Flowing and interspersed with moving lines.

Here are some lines that particularly moved me or could have moved more.

Distance creates a very subtle rift. Over time those rifts become irreparable gorges.

Indeed touching and also a very appropriate prelude for what was to follow. However I found the immediately following line simple yet extremely mature and original too.

..but sometimes I feel so estranged from my family living away I wonder if we'll ever be able enjoy those festive seasons again.

I don't know if everybody would agree with me but I think the fundamental joy of celebrating festivals is their regular periodicity than anything else. If that is broken or if we are to know it is not going to be periodic anymore, then the original joy is gone for ever. We may still enjoy doing it once in a while but it will be not the festival but something else that we enjoy.

*******

I took everything for granted then.

I am not sure if it is really fitting. You are talking about a festival that comes once a year and a kid whom a year is a very long time.

******

our conversation ended abruptly somewhere along the way if we were to face each other in public.

I would often see her pass by the same table tennis board that she used to devour so much in early childhood while she returned from school. How unusual was it for her only to glance at me and give me a wry smile and walk towards home. But that was the culture we grew up in our society. Deep inside, I wouldn?t want to see her while I was around the neighborhood.

I first thought some other girl got mixed up here. Anyway, this part is too weakly done to do justice to a somber story.

*******
I always believed time was a great leveler for everyone.

I could relate to that. In addition, I used to fantasize that one day I will be a rich or a powerful man and take revenge !

*******
but her email was so touchy that my eyes couldn't skip few parched sprinkles

A weak substitution for what could have been the most touching line. I mean, you could have quoted her exact words, just a sentence or even a phrase would suffice. From a creative writing's point of view, you ruined it by describing them instead of quoting her powerful words.

********
"Makurrrii! I was ecstatic to hear her voice. "Oh oyss! Kaha baata aja? Laa! Ma ta kaam ma chu. She sounded nervous. I can?t talk right now". She hung up the phone.

Suddenly, a cold chill ran over my body and Laloo's words echoed from the past : "ahile yesto milchau. Pachi bolne fursad ni hudaina!"I wish I could laugh at him again.

Great ending.

Overall, a great series of memory lane. Keep them coming.