Thought some might find this interesting:

( From the Economist )

Fear of flying
Welcome aboard

In-flight announcements are not entirely truthful. What might an honest one sound like?

�GOOD morning, ladies and gentlemen. We are delighted to welcome you aboard Veritas Airways, the airline that tells it like it is. Please ensure that your seat belt is fastened, your seat back is upright and your tray-table is stowed. At Veritas Airways, your safety is our first priority. Actually, that is not quite true: if it were, our seats would be rear-facing, like those in military aircraft, since they are safer in the event of an emergency landing. But then hardly anybody would buy our tickets and we would go bust.

The flight attendants are now pointing out the emergency exits. This is the part of the announcement that you might want to pay attention to. So stop your sudoku for a minute and listen: knowing in advance where the exits are makes a dramatic difference to your chances of survival if we have to evacuate the aircraft. Also, please keep your seat belt fastened when seated, even if the seat-belt light is not illuminated. This is to protect you from the risk of clear-air turbulence, a rare but extremely nasty form of disturbance that can cause severe injury. Imagine the heavy food trolleys jumping into the air and bashing into the overhead lockers, and you will have some idea of how nasty it can be. We don't want to scare you. Still, keep that seat belt fastened all the same.

Your life-jacket can be found under your seat, but please do not remove it now. In fact, do not bother to look for it at all. In the event of a landing on water, an unprecedented miracle will have occurred, because in the history of aviation the number of wide-bodied aircraft that have made successful landings on water is zero. This aircraft is equipped with inflatable slides that detach to form life rafts, not that it makes any difference. Please remove high-heeled shoes before using the slides. We might as well add that space helmets and anti-gravity belts should also be removed, since even to mention the use of the slides as rafts is to enter the realm of science fiction.

Please switch off all mobile phones, since they can interfere with the aircraft's navigation systems. At least, that's what you've always been told. The real reason to switch them off is because they interfere with mobile networks on the ground, but somehow that doesn't sound quite so good. On most flights a few mobile phones are left on by mistake, so if they were really dangerous we would not allow them on board at all, if you think about it. We will have to come clean about this next year, when we introduce in-flight calling across the Veritas fleet. At that point the prospect of taking a cut of the sky-high calling charges will miraculously cause our safety concerns about mobile phones to evaporate.

On channel 11 of our in-flight entertainment system you will find a video consisting of abstract imagery and a new-age soundtrack, with a voice-over explaining some exercises you can do to reduce the risk of deep-vein thrombosis. We are aware that this video is tedious, but it is not meant to be fun. It is meant to limit our liability in the event of lawsuits.

Once we have reached cruising altitude you will be offered a light meal and a choice of beverages�a word that sounds so much better than just saying �drinks�, don't you think? The purpose of these refreshments is partly to keep you in your seats where you cannot do yourselves or anyone else any harm. Please consume alcohol in moderate quantities so that you become mildly sedated but not rowdy. That said, we can always turn the cabin air-quality down a notch or two to help ensure that you are sufficiently drowsy.

After take-off, the most dangerous part of the flight, the captain will say a few words that will either be so quiet that you will not be able to hear them, or so loud that they could wake the dead. So please sit back, relax and enjoy the flight. We appreciate that you have a choice of airlines and we thank you for choosing Veritas, a member of an incomprehensible alliance of obscure foreign outfits, most of which you have never heard of. Cabin crew, please make sure we have remembered to close the doors. Sorry, I mean: �Doors to automatic and cross-check�. Thank you for flying Veritas.�

Hey Captain..was a funny one. HAd to bring it back to life..Im sure a great many skipped it ,blissfully unaware of the content. :P
Good seeing ya once again.

gone with the wind..

Scarlett - Good to hear from you! Hope all is well with you in wherever you are on your globe-trot :)

To good life.

Dear Captain,my globe-trotting boots have not known much walking of late . All is well on this end; hope it remains the same for you.

And aye..to good life and all it has to offer.

Hmmm ... what exactlty have you been upto - walking across Mongolia? ;)

BTW, did you hear about that guy who golfed across Mongolia? I'm serious : - http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=3607102

Groovy, huh?

captain,
r u in new adventure with the snowy, calculus or "tintin"? have not seen u in a while...

Thapap, I've been around Sajha on and off. We've had bad weather the last couple of days so I am not outdoors as much as I would like, hence these incessant posts from me on all and sundry subjects ...LOL

How are things with you?

ha ha...juss went thru the the report.There are crazy ppl and there are crazier ppl.:P

Mongolia..me? Not even close...in fact i just scaled myself a couple of mountains and am heading off to the jungles of Borneo.The usual ke,....discover a new specie of flora/fauna as the case may be in these kinda instances kya.

i read the first article...hehe very funny captain. apparently, i still don't know how to put on oxygen mask in case of calamity. hehe...cheers for sharing.

LooTe

Borneo? Wow! I have gone as far as KL but never made it across the pond. Have fun!

Loote - And remember to put on your own mask first before helping others (no matter how pretty they might be) ;)

captain,
aap ke dua se ji rahen hain ..
k bhanne testai ho... weather been sucky here too.. rain.. rain and more rain..

like scarlett ko "gone with the wind" bhanya justo.. instread its "rain rain all the time"

breakfast rain, brunch rain, lunch rain, supper rain, dinner rain .. k bhanne.. bore bhai sakyo... last stretch to the summer before the sucky winter comes...

ani where r ya adventuring dez daz?
keep in touch sire....

ani scarlett.. .hajur chhai k ho.. kusto bzzzzz hoiseko.. email pathako response ni chhaina.. yesto helan ta nagarisyos na ho.. .

What email? jpt ....

thapap literally lives in an illusive world, Scarlett ;) How you been lady?

scatlett,
check your sajha ko email account. tya junk mail ma basira hola :(

Billions of blue billios blistering barnacles - Captain!

This is one funny article that I have read in a long while - brought Sandhurst's house down! :-)

Blimey. Keep em comin' Captain, keep em comin'!

Thapap - Nowhere as exotic as Scarlett - :) - mostly in the Berksires of western Mass and the beaches of Cape Cod. BTW, where are you from?

Sandhurst Lahure- Talking about blistering barnacles, check out this site, I ran across it the other day. It's a compilation of all the curses! :)

Hi flippy gal..good to see ya:)) I know naught about your lil fren..thapap! He claims unanswered mails...methinks its all in his head!

Paji....I knew this one wud tickle your fancy!

And really Captain..you are a bazzookly bumbling dunderhead ( I lifted this from the website you mentioned to Sandhurst)!Borneo..never even had a whiff of it.Discovering flora/fauna? Uh uh...Not this lifetime. Closest thing to discovering flora/fauna....wud be field trips from skool! Mountain scaling? Um...only if you count the single moutain flight offered by local airlines in Ktm. Hah! You weren't really taken in were you? Never meant to pull any wool....

gone with the wind!!

Breathalyser!Brigand!Heretic!

LOL

But believe me, I did, for a split second, wonder if you were relishing the privileges of anonimty and having a bit of fun with it, but I decided,regardless of what the truth was , that it was more fun playing along than doubting you ;)

Gyroscope!