What is your take on a one-night stand?

The VOW Male Sex Survey 2008 showed that 74.07% of men have had one-night stands, while 48.15% of them had more than six to 10 one-night stands. Why do men indulge in one-night stands? Is it because they have the opportunity? Do men really fear having a serious, full-fledged, committed relationship? Is one-night stand a manifestation of that fear? Or are they just looking for fun—variety to spice up their lives? Do they indulge in it simply because it is an act of sexual thrill with no strings attached?

It doesn’t make you manly!

Aamir Akhtar
CEO, United Tanneries

I don't think I am the best person to answer this question. I strongly disagree with the notion of having a one-night stand. Till now, I have had no such experience and I don't wish to have one either in the future. I think one-night stand is never something to be proud of; it doesn't make you manly. It's limited to mere physical attraction and satisfaction. I believe one-night stands would eventually result in health and emotional damages later in life. So, the best thing is to AVOID such situations.

Times have changed!

Rabi Moktan
Co-Proprietor
Hunan Chinese Kitchen

I am not against it. Times have changed. I think it's fine as long as it doesn't involve hurting anyone's feeling. However, someone married or committed to a relationship should not indulge in it. Sincerity and fidelity towards one's partner is more important than having a fling which would lead to hurting each other.

I personally wouldn’t indulge in it!

Subash Palungwa Limbu
Managing Director
Babylon Discotheque

When in a physical relationship, I believe that two people share a certain level of mutual agreement and consent. Though one-night stands don't usually occur in our society, its practice has been growing. I personally wouldn't indulge in it as it puts sex as purely mechanical and as not something meaningful and special shared by two people as a token of love.

Just the notion of waking up next to a complete stranger makes me queasy!

Dr Sanjay Bhattachan
Kathmandu Hospital/Blue Cross Hospital

I don’t want to make a moral judgment. I believe that the sanctity of a relationship comes with intimacy. Personally, I don’t see any point in initiating a relationship based simply on carnal pleasures. For the experience of a fulfilling relationship, I believe an emotional connection is a must before the development of any physical intimacy. Just the notion of waking up next to a complete stranger makes me queasy! The awkward silence in the morning and being absolutely clueless on what she would like for breakfast is a horrifying thought. And as a doctor, I would like to emphasise on using protection.

The main MALE reasons for indulging in a one-night stand:

For fun and adventure
For some men, having sex with the same partner isn’t too much fun. They are on the lookout for unconventional excitement. In the case of some married men, they are sick and tired of the nagging-wife-and-screaming-child, and seek out some extra-marital fun.

Don’t want to be single and lonely
Single, lonely and heartbroken, yet in need of fulfilment of sexual desires. Also, when a man experiences an instant out-of-the-blue chemistry with a woman he has just met, a one-night stand may be on the cards.

Partner swapping
In big cities, there are people who actually do not feel that fidelity is an essential part of a relationship. Sometimes, even spouses permit one-night stands for their partners.

It’s just for a night and no strings attached
It’s not with a sex worker, no direct payment involved; it’s a casual relationship and meant just for a night. Why not enjoy it without any hassles of commitment? No strings attached. No feelings hurt.

The survey

We surveyed 70 men of different age groups and backgrounds to find out their take on one-night stands.
Here’s what they had to say.

They say...

• When a man meets a very attractive woman, and if there is a strong physical attraction between them, and their intention and interest match, such casual relations happen. Often, both parties are aware of the situation and have an ‘unspoken’ consent and understanding of the encounter.

• In our society, such practices are deemed morally, culturally and ethically wrong, but if two consenting individuals share a comfort level and are willing to do ‘it’, then there should not be any problem with it.

• It’s a personal choice, and is done for sexual thrill. Though most consider it to be morally wrong, I think if we get a chance, most of us will indulge in it.

• It’s a completely personal decision. Moreover in one-night stands, there are no strings attached, no hassles of commitment, no hurting of feelings, so the temptation is high.

• It all depends on one’s upbringing and the culture one grew up with. I guess if one doesn’t feel guilty about it, then it’s ok to do it.

• It’s human nature to seek variety in life. Men indulge in one-night stands to undergo variety of sexual pleasures, ecstasy and experiences. It’s a matter of taking chances and fulfilling one’s fantasies.

Age
Below 18 5.71%
18-25 48.57%
26-35 34.28%
36-45 10%
46 and above 1.43%

Marital status
Single 62.86%
Married 34.28%
In a committed relationship 2.86%

Have you ever had a one-night stand?
No, but I would, if the opportunity arose 41.43%
Yes, a few times 20%
No, it's immoral 18.57%
Yes, once 11.43%
Yes, with multiple partners on multiple occasions 8.57%

If you have had one-night stand, what were the reasons for indulging in it?
Variety is spice of life 31.43%
No strings attached 27.14%
Because I had the chance 25.71%
For sexual thrill 15.71%

If you had the opportunity for a one-night stand, would you do it?
Maybe 57.14%
Yes 35.71%
No 7.14%

With whom are you most likely to get into a one-night stand?
Friends 40%
Strangers 25.72%
Friend's girlfriend 20%
Colleagues 14.28%

Even if you were in a committed relationship, would you indulge in one-night stand?
No 38.57%
Yes 32.86%
Maybe 28.57%

One-night stand…
It's a personal choice 82.86%
It's morally wrong 17.14%

If you have indulged in one-night stand, do you feel guilty about it?
No 81.43%
Yes 18.57%

Do you share the details of your one-night stand with your friends?
Yes 77.14%
No 22.86%

Do they feel guilty?

Men vs women
Professor Anne Campbell from Durham University, UK, conducted an online survey to find whether women have adapted to casual sex by examining their feeling following a one-night stand. A total of 1743 men and women who had experienced a one-night stand were asked to rate both their positive and negative feelings the following morning. 80% per cent of men had overall positive feelings about the experience compared to 54 % of women. While men reported feeling more content, sexually satisfied and confident after meaningless sex, women were more likely to worry about feeling "used" and "letting themselves down". These findings were published online in the June issue of Springer’s journal, Human Nature.