Well am not sure in Nepali context but I guess it is not unusual to have conflict with your parent. Usually it is the guy who has conflict with his father in later part of his life. But do you get torn between our traditional expectation of taking care of your parents, bowing to their wishes coz they gave birth to you plus raised you? What do you do when your parent/parents have unreasonable expectations from you and when you know it depletes you. How would you handle it? Would you still bow into the tradition/cultural expectations or do you stand up for yourself? Should they not have a respect for you as an individual and the things you have accomplished in your life?

I was once asked by a college friend, here's the scenerio:

If the boat carrying you, your parents and your son sinks, who do you save first?

By our upbringing, of course parents. It is the right thing to do, we all know it. But think logically, if there was a logical explantion and NOT "emotional" attachment (no emotional feelings at all), it is worth saving your old parent over your younger son? Isn't it a symbolic of saving PAST(parents) over FUTURE(son)? I was shocked when he asked me this and the explanation of how how some social reasoning reflect where they're now. Some culture in a different way prefers to save the son. There's NO right and wrong here. Does Our RIGHT makes us better than them. What am trying to say is our society has too much of emotional interpretation of your realtionship withing our family, not saying other cultures do not, it's just we take it too far and it reflects where we are now. We're taught to obey and listen your elders, never allowed to question. Is it healthy? Our country is ruled by old folks and never by younger leaders (old people thinking younger generation not mature or even worth enough to lead). We live with our PAST, obey it and carry it along with you into FUTURE. Is that working?

Conflicting with your parents does not make you a bad son/daughter. Period. I think, infact, you're a better person if you question them with issues realted to the welfare of mankind, not just obey them like a person with no conscious.

Well ,about questioning your parents , i would like to add that there is a way to do it . Diplomatically , without hearting their feelings and making them realize that what they think best for you , might not be the same in your view . Everything has a way to go about . You just dont want to slam your parents on what you disagree , but taking the conversation and the issue to a more matured path .
The way parents treat you and look at you has to do a lot with your maturity level too . If they have an impression that you are matured and know whats best for every one , i am pretty sure all parents agree with what you have on the table for the issue .But if you have acted as a kid and been pretty bad with choices , they try and force their views on you . I think its all about the maturity level on how parents treat their kids .

well, good topic to discuss.  but i dont know if we need to discuss this topic.  for me, i feel it is my responsibility to help my parents when they are in need.  they did everything for me since i was born until i get educated in usa.  Though it is 21st century, we were born and raised in differnt society and we can nto compare things with americans.  americans, they have social security to take care of , also, they were raised in such a way that parents dont have any expectations from kids because they hardly did anything for their parents as well.  our society is different.  well, i dont know what my son/daughter will do to me if they raised here because they will learn things from this environment.  i will probably wont expect from my kids in a same way as my parents have expectation from me.  this is because they will raise in different society and i will probably save something for me for my retirement.  however, in our parents case, they hardly save anything for them, they spend whatever they have to educate and give better life to their kids.  so, in my opinion, we need to provide as much help as we can to our parents.  remember, what goes around  comes around. 

Well said AAAA.  I feel the same.

I know all of u r going parents first scenario here but here is a thing

i love my parents, respect them, we are our parents flesh and blood. they will never want to hurt usi n anyway, ur simle brings them joy, there will be always conflicts but we need to approach them in the right way.

This is not just coming out of me but my dad himself, this is the reason why i am very close to my parents. Just talk to your parents about your situation, and how you feel about it and acknowledge that you know how they feell about your situation and justify ur solutions in a right way, do not justify by pointing fingers at who is wrong and right. I am sure you and ur parents will come to a final solution that will make you guys happy.

Good LUCK!

Not everybody is lucky like you having parents who listen to you. Majority of Nepali parents are very forceful and "my way or the hight way" to their kids. We need to listen to their side of story how they handle situations when their parents doesn't listen to them at all.

 

In my opinion money is solution to most if not all problems. If you make good money and can support your parents everyone will respect you in Nepal. Even your parents will do what you tell them to do and not the other way around, provided that you are a reasonable person. Bowing to elders and in-laws should be ok as well as long as you are in control of your own life. So good luck!!

Aamika ko prasna dekhera hasolairachha.........................Aaankha tirimiri  bhairachha.

I am not sure what "unreasonable" expectation from parents mean. Maybe forceful arranged marriage?   Good luck!!

Let me tell you my side of story.....

My ex-galfriend was Gurung and i am Bahun.....My mother opposed the relationship......But i was rude enough to oppose her.....but now since My gal-friend married another guy (so called her own caste) i am in the miidle of nowhere........So please guys don't be stupid like me.....Coz Parents knows lot of things we don't know......be OBEDIENT!!!

I am  one of thsoe luckiest person, who can share all my joys and sorrows with my parents, Specially with my fater. Buwa, thank you for always being there for me.

 

 

"most if not all problems. If you make good money and can support your parents everyone will respect you in Nepal. Even your parents will do what you tell them to do and not the other way around, provided that you are a reasonable personmost if not all problems. If you make good money and can support your parents everyone will respect you in Nepal. Even your parents will do what you tell them to do and not the other way around, provided that you are a reasonable person."

In my case this is not true..don't know about others.

Money is not the solution for the conflict between parents and children.  Parents always think of us so we should listen to them and respect their words but if we feel thats wrong we can give our suggestions not money. Atleast today's parent will rethink of the suggestion we give. They won't do the things forcibly. They too know that time is changing . They might not think like the way we do but they think for our best.  So i respect their decision. And Guys Money is not the soln and will never be the soln. It's just what i think and might not match to others view.

There is no doubt among us that our parents have done a great deal for us and we should and we do (at least majority of us) respect and love them. However, when we grow and become mature and especially when we get educated here and live here in the US or other developed countries, our ideas and thoughts might conflict with that of our parents. When they were of our age, they might have had the same situation with their parents and might have thought the same way. And the main thing is that our parents won't change now for our ideas or for us. So, I think we should understand them and even though we disagree with them and might have better and geniune reasons to back our ideas and points, we should confront them in a nice way, with all due respect and love, and in a polite way.

Of course, there are small and little disputes in all homes, especially if you live with your parents, either here in the US, other countries, or in Nepal, and you might flatly disapprove of their ideas, but that does not mean that you don't love them or respect them. These small things don't matter, I believe, in a family unless we let it grow and grow. The main thing for me is, even though I don;t agree with them for their small and tiny things, I do love and respect them and I will surely not hurt them for real or big decisions in life.

I DO NOT understand how agreeing with them on everything just beacuse they're old constitutes RESPECT.  Don't you think it should be the other way around? It is called "Bollywhood" symdrome, too much irrational emotion, less reality. Just beacuse they're old would you NOT held them responsible if they commit a crime, or you just let them go beacause they have grey hairs? Aren't we ruled and exploited by people with grey hairs everyday from politicians to goverment workers.

I think "money" is a key factor and I agree with all of you, but how about if they're too greedy? The neighbour has aquired 5 land and 3 more houses and you're told that we'll have to catch up with them. Even after all the finiancial support you've given to them, they now expects you to land on the moon since some guys did it. They would not quit, nudge nor listen to you when you try to calm them down, instead you get yelled at everytime you call home these days. That's my case. How do I keep up with their never ending impossible demands, I'm running low and dry?

I was just passing by this thread and felt like sharing this REAL SONG......

Story of our FATHERs............................

छोरीहरु हुर्के बढे, घर घर गय
छोराहरु पांचै भाई मुग्लानीया फसे

नातिनी र नातीहरु जन्मे भन्थे कुन्नी
मेरो साथी लौरो बाहेक छैन अरु सुन्ने

उमेर भैसक्यो असी
झन ठुला दु:खले घेरेको

Enjoy the song....Feel the Pain

I 100% agree with AAAA

when u smile the whole world will smile with u when u cry u will be alone

just bookmarking to read later.