Fools rush in green card matrimony
By Garima Bastola

I hear the marriage market in Nepal is very much in demand for an America return or a green card holder.
I have never understood the crazy for an America return bridegroom. Is this a new name for the DV lottery or a ticket to the United States (US)? There are many factors involved in this:

First, the political crisis in Nepal is one of the factors involved. Second, people are in need of employment and opportunities. However, it has not only become a necessity to sustain, but a fad everyone is following.

Many girls have a dream, which includes a prince charming, who will rescue them one day. Perhaps, this is a dream that they are waiting for. I have seen how people jump into relationship and matrimony without much of their knowledge. Sometime, children are compelled to make decisions due to family pressure. Additionally, we also notice a mutual consent between parents and children for a US return bridegroom or a green card holder.

It is interesting how these beautiful and qualified girls wait on the man to select them. The man carefully evaluates if the girl has all the credentials necessary to sustain in the United States. He makes his decision and chooses the best bride out of the entire lot. The entire knowing, fixing and congratulating process have become instant.

I am sure many couples involved in this process; are not even aware of each other's personalities and qualities. Within a week, a person makes life's most important decision, looking at nothing but a green card.

I have observed how this procedure of selection has made the marriage market so cheap and easy in our society. It looks like a rat's race for a ticket abroad. I would like to put forward few questions, that kept me awaken many nights. Is it not important to know in detail about the person's background before one marries? Knowing ones likes, dislikes and materialist belongings, answers all the questions.

People do not get into the complication of inquiring about past affairs because past is past right. If the person does not want to let go of his past, however, is he ready to marry a Nepali girl due to family pressure? This implies to girls as well.

In addition, it would be wise enough to inquire about the medical history of the person one is going to marry. Perhaps, it is not acceptable in our society. However, in my opinion, these are questions two individuals involved have the right to ask each other. I assume that everyone knows the importance of life and marriage.

Let us see, are these the factors you consider before getting married. A house in the USA; both of you will be slogging for 20 years to pay off the mortgage. Many a times, one comes across frauds that lie about their education, occupation and their identity. It is very sad when I see many girls and many families who have had rushed in the past for a good life abroad. Unfortunately, it has become disastrous. Because of difference in point of views, many such marriages lead to divorce. It is very important to make ones decision carefully, if men and women are well educated, they can make a difference in any part of this world.

I do not want to be very critical because people get married in different circumstances and, people have different priorities. In addition, if two individuals feel they are compatible, and want to spend the rest of their lives with each other, I believe that is more important.

However, it is necessary to think practically and rationally because love is just not enough to sustain in today's world. Let us not generalize that all who return from the US are frauds, women-eaters or man-eaters. Not every girl who dreams of a prince charming will suffer.

However, women should be capable to make their dream come true and not wait for prince charming because especially the charming ones are dangerous. With motivation, hard work and determination one can move mountains.

Education is a very important and qualification is what every family should look for. Most important it is very necessary to change people's perception on marriage. It would be ignorant to overlook most important factors to a happy life ahead.

Posted on: 2007-02-24 21:02:12 (Server Time)
ekantipur.com

True.

People coming from abroad, specially US seem to get more preference for bride/groom. But once they come here, the things are totally different. People there don't know about it here. At the beginning, they may like and enjoy but later on, may feel getting stuck here if the spouse is only going to stay at home. We never talk much. She also brought a good point of medical history.

Well it's a tale of those people who cannot bear their own wieght with their backbones,,Part of it is the fault in american policy and part of it is the short sightedness of nepalese parents who think that america is a gold mine..

As far as i know in america one earns dollars and spends dollar ,,in nepal one earns Rs and spends Rs..and in the end of the day most of the people end up with an apartment,,a car( which is equivalent of a bike in Nepal),,and lots of other junk ( which unfortunately is considered pricey by standards in Nepal),, It's a different story that politics has been a key factor in hampering lives of those people who want to work and have some real talent,,but again there is a big mass of people who do not have any exceptional talent,,but are from well off families in Nepal, that they dont even have to worry about washing their own dished,,but who still happen to believe that there is a better life in america without really thinking what they can do after stepping in USA..Perhaps some are content or rather happier being a worker in fastfood place than work as a kindergarten school teacher in Nepal..

And the story never ends,,,

Napaune le kera payo, chiya sita dobera khayo bhaneko yehi ho.

हसायो गहुगोरो ले ! ग्रीन कार्ड होल्डर ले गर्दा साथी को कुरा फेल खायो जस्तो लाग्यो हा हा हा, कसो गहुगोरो जि ? ?
केटी ले पत्याएनन जस्तो छ नि ग्रीन कार्ड होल्डर ले गर्दा !

It is so easy to critisize others. I guess its the human nature.
आफ्नो आङमा भैइँसी नदेख््ने, अर्काको आङमा जुम्रा देख््ने |

I have read this post twice and still ponder what the conclusion of the analysis of marriage market, fundamentally flawed enterprise it seems to the writer where dynamics of supply and demand arent in sync with each other.

Marriage practice and customs change as times change,they are affected by the societal evolution,globalisation also being one of the factor. By globalisation I dont mean to allude to the multinationals and their incorporation in a our lives,but I mean it in the sense of demographic dispersions of once isolated locales. Effects of migration and cultural,social,religious identities assimilate to existing and more prevalent trends and norms. They have to conform to evolve. Any anthropological point of view regards change in human cultures,mores and norms to be a constant facor that's always dynamic. In this century and the centuries to come,Nepali society also will evolve past the norms that we consider now are in consistence with cultural norms established 50/60 years ago.Interracial marriages are becoming norms,club hopping for today's people in nepal has gained grounds which wasnt so prevailing a trait that identified nepalese youth some time back.

Now about being a US return and marrying a girl or guy from Nepal. I dont have any knowledge about number of girls being married to us return guys or guys in nepal marrying to US return girls, But I would assume the former being in higher percentage.( Just by personal observation).I would like to ask the writer to shed some light on this as the basis of her discussion underlies this disproportionate distribution of one variable into the scheme. What factors would you attribute to the higher number of men going to Nepal and marrying a girl to bring here?
Her observations solely represent the trend that is specific to one country only, I would also like to study her thesis on marriages taking place between Nepalese living between India and Nepal( is there also a green card factor?), Nepalese in Australia,England and others.

Marriages taking place trans-continentally should not be an alarm to the existence of one group of people, for country like Nepal and other third world countries also.Your article would have been a just cause, I am not suggesting you do this, if you were to write about voilence against women in Nepal, forced child labor,selling of nepalese girls to Indian brothels,exploitation of the nepalese worker women in the Gulf countries. I would safely assume that you also didnt want to go through all this,rather it was easy for you to sit in front of the computer,either in Nepal or in US itself, because investigative journalism doesnt exist anymore. Kantipur just published it without careful scrutinising of it because articles like yours give fodders for gossip and gossip isnt wat we needed the most out of sacred institution like marriage.

sapper ले लेख नै नपढि कमेन्ट गरे जस्तो लाग्यो ।

The article says the DV holders and the people coming from US and other countries. Not necessarily only the DV holders as the spouse can still get the chance to go the respective countries. People in Nepal are giving more values and preferring to go to other countries. So with that desire, the boy/girl coming from other countries are getting higher scores in marriage market.

a nice public awareness article but too generalized, doenst apply to everyone..the author should have been more responsible. anyways

This guy also wants green card

Well replying to the questions you have posted and analyzing your perception I feel that you are caught up in the modernization dilemma. There are some good aspect to it as well as bad. The theory of "turning back" applies. Meaning that once we move forward we always have to turn back and realize how far we have come.

You ask that shouldn't the couples know each other better before they get married? Perhaps but don't forget there was a day when you knowing each other was not the rule of the game, you were not allowed have even the snapshot of each other. Now my question to you from the question that you pose is well was that reasonable? Well it seemed to work for centuries but we live in a different world now or do we? Turn back and ask yourself.

Other general aspect of you view is basically you are looking way forward towards the future. We must take life as it comes to you and do things that you are capable of doing at that moment, yes there will struggles, hassles, good times as well as bad times but that is life that is the challenge that life offers you every step of the way, thinking about what you don't have control over is only going to make you weak physically, mentally and spiritually, therefore just concentrate on what you have control over right now and let things unfold. We have not seen the future and we will never see the future that is the risk we take and return depends on how you handle that risk. Or is it really?

The other question that you posed was in a matter of few days just looking at the green card people get married, both of them are strangers. Well in my opinion that is what makes it interesting, life is an adventure, it is a journey not a destination you learn nuts and bolts of each other as you move along you can't stop thinking that what is going to happen since that is not in your control.

Green card, no green card, be in Nepal or abroad in general might have some effect on the marriage proposal that is on the table, after I feel that generally people "security" as the priority to a relationship green card just assumes the role of this security as of right now, this is a phase and it will linger for few years and then it is gone, then new phase is going to start, may be citizenship or who knows Nepal is going to the economic powerhouse down the line and then people from Nepal will be the one going abroad and make their choice. You never know these are all the phases of life ..........